How sexually compatible are we? Do we like the same things? How important is good sex to HER? Does she care about a wild and passionate sex life as much as I do, and if not, why not?
Any of these questions sound familiar? If you are anything like most men, the truth is, you THINK you understand what a woman wants in bed and beyond, but the reality is, you probably don’t!
Even if you ask her, women tend to be somewhat coy and even sexually secretive about what REALLY turns us on. But don’t worry, you’ve got me to spill the beans! Curious to know more? Continue reading as we take a closer look below.
The 3 domains of sexual compatibility
The good news? If you share at least 2 of these 3 with your girlfriend, wife or lover, she is probably a pretty happy girl. If you only have 1 of these mutual factors, you are probably NOT having nearly as good sex as you think you are. (or at least, she is not enjoying it nearly as much as you think) If you have all 3? You’ve got a woman who can’t keep her mind, her eyes, or her hands off of you!
Let’s explore a bit more closely.
Emotional compatibility is the hardest of the three to really define, or nail down with words in a meaningful way. Essentially, it means you share the same internal emotional “values” around sex. You may both enjoy sex after certain activities, or as an expression of certain feelings.
This is the “touchy and fuzzy” piece of the sex puzzle for a woman, and it’s as hardwired into our brains and bodies as any other impulse. Emotional sexual compatibility is the “nurturing” and lovemaking piece of the equation for us, and if you are wired in a similar way, the likelihood is, you have this bond with your girl.
Cognitive compatibility simply means you THINK about sex the same way. You find the same things a turn on, and the same sorts of things a turn off. You share values around sex that are similar.
Maybe you both agree that sex is something sacred, shared between two loving partners. Or maybe you fall on the complete OTHER side of spectrum and think sex is something to be experienced with many people, simply because it feels good.
How you think about sex, relative to how your partner does, is obviously pretty important, as if you have wildly different thoughts about good sex, in my experience talking to thousands of women… she will always be thinking whether you are the right partner for her.
Lastly, PHYSICAL compatibility is super important. If she likes a certain type of sex, or a certain type of position, or a specific type of foreplay and you don’t, this rarely ends well! Your physical bodies must be compatible too. Many women LOVE “G-spot” orgasms, but can’t have them during sex, as the man isn’t able to reach her most erogenous zones during intercourse.
These may seem like trivial things, but if a woman is used to climaxing a certain way, and suddenly finds herself in a new relationship, with a new man, and that option is no longer possible, it’s difficult for us to really enjoy sex, especially intercourse, as much as we have in the past.
The type of sex you have also falls into this domain. If she loves foreplay, but you don’t, this is clearly a physical disparity. If you climax very quickly, and she takes a while (as most women do) this is yet ANOTHER sign of sexual incompatibility.
So there you have it! A crash course on the 3 factors women look for in a man, to tell if we’re a good match in the sack! If any of the above feels like an area you are falling short, fear not! All of them can be improved with effort and a genuine desire to improve the relationship, make her crazy with lust and have the best sex of both of your lives, I promise!